


My Inner Voice Is an A-Hole

by Ravenschylde



Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Jealous Matt Murdock, Post-Season/Series 03, but early on, jealous karen page, karedevil - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25874881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenschylde/pseuds/Ravenschylde
Summary: Karen asks for a break from their relationship, Matt gets jealous and his disparaging inner voice is driving him crazy.She was irritated at Matt, to be sure, but she didn’t want him to think she was actually dating this jerk. “Oh, come on now, doll, no need to be shy about it.” Resting his arm on the back of Karen's chair, Devin began rubbing her upper back. Matt wanted to rip his hand off and feed it to him.Was Karen really interested in this sleaze bag?Easy, now. Jealous rage is not a good look.
Relationships: Matt Murdock/Karen Page
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12





	My Inner Voice Is an A-Hole

“I didn’t know where you were or what happened to you.” 

  
He detected a slight tremble and a hint of panic in her voice as she spoke. Matt looked down, feeling bad because he knew he’d made her worry and that made him feel like shit. Like a literal piece of crap. 

  
“I’m sorry, Karen; I didn’t mean to make you worry. I got....held up.” _Yeah, she’s going to buy that._ _Just keep on shovelin’ pal_ , said that little voice in his head. 

  
“Held up my ass!” She was livid and she had good right to be. He’d promised her he’d be careful and not take unnecessary chances; and then, well, that all went to hell. Best laid plans and all that. A new gang had moved in and Matt had been extra busy as of late. 

  
_Time for some damage control._ “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. It was out of my hands. Really. Let me make it up to you.” He took a step towards her, hands outstretched in supplication. _She’s too smart to buy what you’re selling, Murdock._ His inner voice was a sarcastic son of a bitch sometimes. 

  
“Well, it’s really nice that you’re sorry and all, but that doesn’t mean a damn thing if you’re lying somewhere bleeding out, or worse yet, DEAD!” She spun around, turning her back to him, eyes flashing blue fire, cheeks flushed a deep, angry rose, her golden hair flying all around. He could feel the heat coming off her cheeks, and the change in the air currents her hair made as it swished about. 

  
She looked like a beautiful, furious angel; but now was definitely not the time to tell her. He reached down and took one of her hands in his, and straightened out her fingers, which had been clenched tightly in a fist. Bringing it up to his lips, he placed a kiss on the back of her hand, and began stroking her palm with his fingers.

  
She sighed deeply, even as she felt her resolve softening a bit. But only a bit. “Seriously? Playing Prince Charming is not going to get you out of this, not this time, Matt. I was really scared something terrible had happened to you.” Tears had formed in the corners of her eyes, and it broke his heart to see her so upset. He pulled her into his arms and stroked her hair. _Say something, man. Try to make this right!_ the voice berated him.

  
“What can I do to make it up to you? Make you dinner? Foot rub? I’ll take tonight off; I’m serious, just tell me. I’ll do anything.” He really meant it, too. He’d do whatever it took to take away her anger. Likewise, he’d do anything to take away the pain he knew he’d caused her.  
  
  
“I don’t want any of that. I only want you. Alive, and in one piece.” She was still a little tearful, and mad as hell at the same time. A bad combination, he knew from experience. “And I’d like to be able to go two days without having to wonder if you’re lying in pieces somewhere! I know I can’t ask you to stop, but sometimes it’s just a lot. Sometimes it’s almost…," her voice broke as she trailed off. _Fuck, you’ve done it this time_ , his inner voice was still at it. 

  
“It’s almost...what?” he asked, dreading the answer. He was terrified she was going to say she wanted out, that she couldn’t take it anymore. And if he was honest with himself he didn’t really blame her. And maybe somewhere, deep down inside, he even thought she SHOULD leave. He just desperately wanted her to stay. NEEDED her to stay. _But she’s already out the door. You know that’s where this is headed.  
  
  
_ "It’s just more than I can take sometimes, Matt; I think I need to take some time to, to....just to catch my breath, you know? Just to try and get a handle on… all of this.” He froze, waiting for the words he’d been dreading ever since they’d tentatively started things back up again. “Maybe I need a little time to just take a beat and take stock of things.” He felt like his whole body was encased in stone, like he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. “Sure,” he croaked out. “I understand,” he answered woodenly. “Matt..I.., she made a helpless gesture with her hands. “I’m not saying I want to stop...that I want US to stop...it’s just that I need some time...,” her voice trailed off, sounding shaky. “Look, I get it, ok? Whatever you need. I just want you to be happy.” And he did. He really did. _You_ _never deserved her anyway,_ the voice was taunting him now. He dropped her hand and took a couple steps away from her, turning his back, his head down. He couldn’t bring himself to watch her walk away. Not again.  
  
  
She stood still for a moment, her breath a heavy lump in her throat, her chest hurting with each breath. “I’ll call you in a few days, ok? And I’ll see you at work on Monday.” Matt continued to stand facing away from her, without answering, head bowed. _N_ _o, you won’t,_ lamented that hateful voice. “Um, ok then,” She turned and gathered her sweater and purse and walked towards the door. He stood like a statue as she opened the door and walked out into the hallway, the sound of it closing echoed like the shutting of a tomb in his ears and in his heart, leaving him cold and alone.  
  
  
  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
  
  
  
That following Monday, he was sitting at his desk when he heard her high heels tapping a staccato beat on the sidewalk, signaling her arrival at the office. In reality, he’d been straining to hear them for a while now, scared to death she wasn’t going to come in to work, that maybe she didn’t even want to share space in the same office with him. Relief washed over him as she entered and put away her things. She was uncharacteristically subdued, saying a quiet hello to Foggy as he went to get a refill on his coffee, and then sitting at her desk.  
  
  
The day passed uneventfully, if somewhat slowly, and rather depressingly for him. He stayed in his office most of the day, putting his head down and trying to lose himself in work, and failing miserably at it. He was painfully aware of her every move; every time she got up from her desk, his heart jumped hoping (and fearing) she was coming to his office to talk to him. For his part, he tried to give her her space, staying away and not crowding her, as painful as that was for him.  
  
  
Finally, it was nearly time to leave for the day. Still at her desk, she answered the phone in her usual way, and then he heard it. Her voice changed. He sat silently in his office, listening intently. He knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t help himself. It was a man. She was talking in an almost flirty way, laughing lightheartedly. _Who is that guy?_ His fists clenched and un-clenched. _Of course, she wouldn’t be alone for long,_ he thought; she was too beautiful and too much of a catch to be ignored by the men of this city. _Who wouldn’t want to be with Karen Page?_ His heart felt like a cold, steel band was tightening around it. He knew he needed to let her go, and allow her to be happy. He wanted what was best for her, and if being with someone else was what she needed to be happy, then that’s what he wanted, too. _SURE, that’s what you want. Liar!_ _  
_  
  
  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
  
  
  
Matt landed on the rooftop with a dull thud and positioned himself so that he could see over the edge without being seen himself. Karen came out of the restaurant, a tall, blonde man at her side, talking and laughing easily with each other at intervals. The man’s heart rate sped up whenever Karen touched his arm or lightly brushed against him as they walked, causing a wave of jealousy to course through Matt. He felt his own heart rate rising as the man placed his hand at the small of her back. His jaw set grimly, he continued to follow them, telling himself he was just worried about Karen’s safety. Well, dammit, he was. "Sure, keep telling yourself that," he muttered to himself. Eventually, they entered a nightclub and there was no way for Matt to surveil them any longer. _Shit, now what?_ _Well, there’s more than one way to skin a cat,_ he mused to himself. Running across the rooftops, Matt made his way back to his apartment. It was a much quicker way to travel the city than by taxi; there were advantages to being Daredevil, even if the bad often outweighed the good. _Then why do you keep doing it?_ the voice taunted.

  
Matt changed into a pair of jeans, a turtleneck and leather jacket not wanting to look too out of place by donning his usual suit and tie. He traveled back to the club by rooftop, descending the fire escape in the back and pulled his cane out of his jacket. Once inside, he approached the bar, ordering his usual, Macallum’s neat, and tried to tune into either the sound of Karen’s voice or her heartbeat. It was moderately busy, with a small throng of people gyrating on the dance floor to some upbeat song. Normally the volume of the music and amount of people in the club would be the recipe for a headache for him, but tonight he was too focused on other things. Ah, there she is. She was sitting at a table against the wall, in the back of the club. _Nice, dark little corner you’ve found for yourself, eh, creep?_ Matt shook his head, trying to shake away the angry thoughts bubbling up inside him.

  
His concentration was shaken by a feminine voice asking him a question. He realized that she’d been talking to him for a few seconds and he’d been completely ignoring her. “I’m sorry, it's so loud in here, what were you saying?” “I just asked what a blind man was doing in a dance club,” she laughed. “I hope that’s not offensive?” She was touching his arm, and moving in a bit too close, her breath smelling of vodka and cranberry juice. “Oh, not at all,” he smiled back charmingly. Of course he wasn’t interested, but this could be a good cover for him. They chatted for a few minutes and before he knew it, the woman was putting her arms around his neck and whispering in his ear. “Do you want to dance? It’s a slow song.” She smelled of makeup and perfume, tinged with sweat. He most certainly did not want to dance, but it would afford him a closer vantage point to where Karen and her date were sitting. He allowed the woman to lead him onto the dance floor, and placed his hands on either side of her hips, as they began swaying slowly from side to side. He tried to tune out all the other sounds and hone in on what Karen’s date was saying to her. 

  
Eventually he was successful, his ear used to being attuned to Karen’s voice. Her date was trying to flatter her and Karen was having none of it. _That’s my girl._ “You’re really hot, you know that?” he said, his manner a bit smarmy, capturing her hand in his. “Thanks,” she retorted, pulling her hand from his grasp. Scooting his chair closer, he leaned over and whispered in her ear, “I’ll let you in on a little secret, I’ve been wanting to kiss you all evening,” he said as he leaned towards her. “It’s not really the secret you think it is,” Karen replied curtly, trying to hide her annoyance. This guy had been handsy all evening and she was getting tired of fending him off. She wasn’t sure if going out with him to try and pump him for info on her latest case was worth it. He was a junior executive at a big advertising firm uptown. A client of Nelson, Murdock and Page had filed a lawsuit against a couple of it’s senior executives for sexual harassment, and Foggy had asked her to see what she could find out. Karen had discovered what bar he frequented and made sure she bumped into him. He’d asked her out and even though Karen had just wanted to meet for coffee, he’d insisted on taking her to dinner, then drinks and dancing. She’d thought she would pump him for some inside info on the company, and try to find out if he’d heard any buzz about previous indiscretions or complaints. Now, she was starting to wonder if he’d been guilty of any himself, judging by how pushy he was being.  
  


Matt couldn’t stand it any longer, and making an excuse to his dance partner, began striding towards the table Karen was seated at. Just as Karen’s blonde friend was leaning in to make another attempt at that kiss, Matt interrupted, “Karen? I thought that was you.” _Back off, pal, before I back you off._ “Matt? What are you doing here?” She couldn’t believe her eyes, Matt Murdock in a nightclub? “Well, I met a client here for drinks and stuck around to listen to some music after they left.” _Smooth, buddy, real smooth._ " Who is this guy, Karen?” Her date cut in, his tone irritated. “This is my boss, Devin.” _You're as big a sleazeball as I thought you’d be_. “Oh, hi,” he said, clearly not pleased by the interruption. “Matt Murdock,” Matt replied, grasping Devin’s outstretched hand and squeezing it just a bit too hard. _Take it easy, don’t let on how much you want to punch his face in._  
  
  
As annoying as this guy was, Karen had a sneaking suspicion it wasn’t a coincidence Matt had ended up in the same club as she and Devin. It was just so like him to follow her and come charging in like some kind of knight in shining armor; she didn’t need his help or his protection, thank you very much. “Well, Matt, it was nice to meet you, but Karen and I were just about to head out,” Devin said, impatience showing in his voice. “We were? Oh, yeah sure. We were just about to go. I’ll see you at work tomorrow, Matt.” Karen wasn’t too happy to be spending more time with Devin, but she still hadn’t gotten much info out of him, and dammit she wasn’t letting a whole evening spent with this d-bag be for nothing.

  
“Oh, come on, surely you have time for a drink? Just one drink?” _That’s it, nice and cool._ Matt pulled up a chair and sat down, ignoring the obvious signals being sent by both Karen and her date. “Sure, since you’re already sitting, I guess we can do that,” Devin wasn’t even trying to hide his aggravation now. At that moment, Matt’s dance partner appeared beside him, resting her arm on his shoulder. "Oh, there you are! I wondered where you’d gotten off to,” she pouted. She was small and petite with long, dark hair, dressed in a very trendy style, and wearing a lot of makeup. “Yes, here he is. Matt, why don’t you ask your friend to join us?” Karen purred, a dangerous tone in her voice. The woman eagerly took a seat between Matt and Devin. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?” Karen was looking daggers at her. _Is that a hint of jealousy I hear?_ Matt thought to himself. _Yes, it’s a bit early to be out on a date with someone, but you're hardly one to point fingers,_ he thought stonily. “Sorry, where are my manners?” he replied suavely. “This is Ashley. Ashley, this is Karen and her date, Devin.” Matt made sure to punch the word date just to push Karen’s buttons. _Careful, there; don’t want to poke the bear,_ the voice cautioned.  
  
  
Matt ordered a round of drinks and made general small talk as Karen and Devin both glared at him. “So, how long have you two known each other?” Matt probed. “Not long, this is our first date,” Devin replied, resting his hand possessively on Karen’s thigh and turning to leer at her. Matt felt heat flushing over him. “This isn’t really a date, it’s just a meeting,” stammered Karen, quickly and firmly removing his hand under the table. She was irritated at Matt, to be sure, but she didn’t want him to think she was actually dating this jerk. “Oh, come on now, doll, no need to be shy about it.” Resting his arm on the back of Karen's chair, Devin began rubbing her upper back. Matt wanted to rip his hand off and feed it to him. _Was Karen really interested in this sleaze bag?_ _Easy, now. Jealous rage is not a good look._  
  
  
“So, Ashley, it’s very nice to meet you,” Karen said in a fake nice voice. Matt could feel the ripples of tension between he, Karen and Devin. “Oh, I’m glad to meet any friends of Matt’s,” Ashley responded, completely oblivious to how on edge the other three were. They continued on with more generic, if a bit stilted, small talk until Ashley excused herself to go to the ladies room. Devin got a call and excused himself to take it. “What are you doing here, Matt?” Karen hissed. “I thought we covered that,” Matt answered coolly. “Oh, so you were just hanging out in the club and what? Thought you’d pick up your little friend there? She’s a bit young for you, isn’t she?” Karen felt a swell of jealousy and anger rising inside her. She knew she’d asked for some time, but she hadn't actually expected Matt to start dating someone in the meantime. “What makes you think I picked her up? She's an acquaintance and we ran into each other.” “You KNOW I don’t believe that, right?” she shot back. ”I really don’t see what the problem is. You already had a date lined up before you even got here tonight,” he countered in an icy tone.  
  
  
“So you just...what? Eavesdropped on my phone call and then followed me here? That's it. Matt. I’m over it.” “You’re over what?” Matt asked, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach. _Fuck, that took a turn._ “I’m over the invasions of my privacy, the hypocrisy, the non-stop worry, the WOMEN. All of it. And I’m over this conversation!” She slammed her drink down on the table and stormed off towards the hallway at the back of the club. _Go after her, you idiot, you’re losing her!_ Matt jumped up and followed her, not caring who saw him not using his cane. He quickly caught up with her and grasped her arm, spinning her around to face him.  
  
  
“Karen, I’m not on a date with that woman. I just met her. You have to believe me. Yes, I followed you here. And yes, I overheard you making this date tonight. But I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop, it just happened. Please, can you just...forgive me?” “Matt....dammit!” Tears of relief were filling her eyes, and she hated it when she cried in front of someone when she didn’t want to. _Just tell her, let it all out. What have you got to lose?_ “Look, I don’t care that you were on a date, I can’t actually blame you. If you still need time or still want to...to go on a date with someone else, we’ll work through that,” he was rambling a bit, but he didn't care. He leaned in close and took her face in his hand. “But I just couldn’t help myself, because I love you, Karen,” he spit it all out in a rush. She looked up at him, her eyes opalescent with tears. “You what?”she asked, incredulous. “I love you. I think I have even before we went on that first date. I just hadn’t admitted it to myself yet.” Karen felt her knees getting weak. Matt felt it, too and pulled her body against his, supporting her with his arms. “You haven’t really said anything yet,” his whole body was tied in knots, waiting for her response, and afraid of what she might say.  
  
  
“I, I..I love you, too!” she managed to stammer, not believing what she’d heard.“You do? Are you sure? You don’t need more time? You don’t have to say it just because I said it,” his heart was beating like a jackhammer in his chest. _Don’t push man, she said it. Just take it, and stay calm._ “Yes, I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time now. That’s why it’s so hard for me when you make me worry, because I can’t bear the thought of losing you.” Her bottom lip trembled. “But being with someone else, even if it wasn’t a real date, and it wasn’t a real date; I need you to know that. Seeing you with someone else tonight, it made me realize that I don’t want to live without you. And I don’t want to ask you to change who you are for me, but maybe you could just try to be a little more careful?” _Say it, man.Tell her you’ll do anything she needs to make her stay._ He smiled softly, “I can do that, sweetheart. I can do that.”  
  
  
He pulled her tight against him and kissed her with all the longing that had built up inside him over the last few days. Karen returned his kiss, melting against him and giving into all the desire she’d been fighting back. Their kiss deepened, their hands roaming hungrily over each other’s bodies. Matt pushed her against the wall and began kissing her jaw, her earlobe, her neck, as Karen moaned softly, running her hands through his hair and down his back. Just as they began to completely lose all awareness of where they were, a voice interrupted them.  
  
  
“Um, excuse me, I’m sorry to...ah...interrupt, but I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been asked to give you a message. Your dates have decided to leave together and just wanted to let you know, so you wouldn’t wonder what happened to them,” the waiter fiddled uncomfortably with the paper in his hand and then stuffed it in his apron pocket. “And also, it’s kind of against the rules to be um...making out back here. If the manager sees you, he’ll have you bounced.” Matt and Karen looked at each other and burst out laughing. “Sure, we understand. Thanks for letting us know.” Matt held out his hand to Karen saying, “Should we move this somewhere a bit more...private?” Karen happily placed her hand in his and said, “It's a date.”  
  
  
_Now that’s more like it. Who knew you’d get the girl in the end, eh buddy?_   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I had an idea in mind for this fic but struggled a bit trying to execute the inner voice part, especially deciding whether regular thoughts were different from his 'inner voice'. I hope it wasn't too confusing.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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